Tuesday, February 9, 2010

White Trash Motherlode: Crabmeat Appetizers



The girl with the clean face and the red dress is my sister's childhood friend, Katie. You know that stereotype about redheads and their feisty nature? Katie fit the bill. Many times, with Katie in residence, my sister got into mischief.

There was the time my mother caught them in the backyard, naked as jaybirds, playing "doctor" with a bewildered neighbor boy.

There was the time my mother discovered them, covered head to toe, in her favorite lipstick.

There was the time they sneaked yet again into my mother's room (a forbidden spot after the lipstick incident) and proceeded to pour an entire bottle of Chanel #5 all over Mama's bed.

I also think there's a little tidbit somewhere about a small fire, but my memory's a little rusty on that one.

It's a good thing that Mama and Katie's mother, Sue, were such good friends, because I think Mama was tempted to kill Katie several times.

Katie had a little brother named David--also a redhead--and he, too, was a pistol. His area of expertise was The Public Houdini. I can't count the number of times we'd be out somewhere, like a restaurant or a mall, Mama and Sue chatting away, and suddenly Sue would startle, wild-eyed.

"Where's David?" she would cry in alarm, and always, we kids had no idea.

The most infamous instance of the Public Houdini was at a rustic, Western-themed restaurant. This restaurant, in a show of cowboy gimmicry, kept a live bear on the premises. Before or after dinner, parents could parade their kids outside and lo and behold! There was a live, caged bear! PETA would be all over this shit now, but in the early 70's, I guess there wasn't a thing wrong with keeping a caged bear on restaurant turf.

On a rare trip to said restaurant, after the salad course, there was suddenly a "Where's David?" moment. Everyone scattered, hunting for David. He was discovered, standing nose-to-nose with the bear, tormenting the creature with a long stick. Then, between the dessert course and coffee, he vanished again. This time, he hit up the restaurant's quaint little General Store, and came back brandishing 2 giant Havana cigars.

Not surprisingly, Sue was often tired.

Sue held parties only a few times a year, but we were always invited and I always dreaded them. My sister and Katie would pair off and lock themselves in Katie's room; I was stuck with David. I would pound on Katie's door, begging admittance, but they always laughed and yelled, "Get Lost, Pest!"

Sulkily, I played G.I. Joe with David, who wasn't thrilled to be playing with me, either. My mind would race the entire time, imagining all of the awesomeness going on behind that closed door.

The only thing that made these parties bearable was the Crabmeat Appetizer Sue made. I'd wolf so many of these suckers down that I couldn't eat dinner. But Sue didn't mind. She knew that several hours with David was hard, hungry work. If a girl needed her crack snack to weather through, so be it.

Crabmeat Appetizers

1 stick softened butter
1 jar Old English Sharp Cheddar Cheese Spread
1 1/2 teaspoons mayonnaise
1 (7oz.) can crabmeat, drained
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
6 english muffins, split in half.

Beat butter and cheese spread with a mixer until fluffy. Beat in mayonnaise and garlic salt. Stir in crabmeat.

Spread crab mixture evenly over English muffin halves. Freeze. When ready to serve, remove from freezer and cut each muffin half into 6 pieces. Thaw only a few minutes.

Pop in the oven under the broiler until bubbly and slightly brown.

41 comments:

  1. I love anything with crabmeat in it! But more than that, I'll read anything with pesky sisters, annoying neighbor boys, bears in restaurants - the kind of reading that takes me down my own memory lane. Loved this post!

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  2. Mmm crabmeat. Yep, I'm with you on needing that crack snack.

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  3. OMG, that first picture had me laughing out loud! It reminded me of the time when our parents were "taking a nap" (wink!) and my mom had made chocolate chip cookies for that night's bridge she was hosting.

    We were given strick instructions not to touch them. Somehow my brother decided that my twin sister and I needed cookies. When they came downstairs, our mouths covered in chocolate, she asked "did you eat my cookies?" Of course we said no, and then brought into the bathroom to see our faces.

    I just remember crying as soon as I saw my face in chocolate, but I think my Mom thought it was funny! :D

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  4. ooooh, that sounds so yummy. I heart Old English Cheese, it truly is a Kraft secret weapon of deliciousness.

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  5. My best friend growing up was a redhead and she was feisty indeed. But I'm afraid it was she and I who did the excluding of our younger siblings. What is it about big sisters and little sibs?

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  6. Mayo and cheese made bubbly in the broiler? My whole childhood just came flooding back.

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  7. Can't go wrong with crabmeat even on an english muffin. Great story as usual!

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  8. I am not one for the crabmeat, but wow did that picture and the memory of those parties bring back memories!

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  9. This post made me laugh! I had a red-headed best friend named Katie (who oddly enough also had a mother named Sue) the trouble she got into knew no end. Instances of pennies up the nose, new shoes ruined by motor oil, and other escapades come to mind!

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  10. I am a mother of 2 redheads. I can tell you this, my little girl is certainly feisty. She is also very sweet. Our little guy, on the other hand, is very content and mild mannered. I just hope he stays that way.

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  11. "....playing doctor with a bewildered boy"

    Gawd I love it when you make me laugh out loud!!! Great, funny words TKW!

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  12. ::squeaky noise:: You hear that? That's me being the third wheel after years of being left out of shennanigans when we'd go see my dad's side of the family and my brother and cousin would go off on their merry way.

    Crabmeat appetizers would often be involved as well, and I still have to control myself around my mom's cream cheese/crabcake ball that is smothered in cocktail sauce. De-licious.

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  13. Oh my...a restaurant with a bear???? That's nuts. I love how you always have a funny story to go with your recipes. :)

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  14. Oh, those look yummy. And a good part of a G-MAM diet (Grow my Ass Month)!

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  15. Still laughing and loving the photo! I'm sorry, but that is so cute (funny). and yes these actually sounds good!! Love your stories, can you come over sometime? We'll sit by the fire and tell stories?

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  16. "playing "doctor" with a bewildered neighbor boy." Oh that made me chuckle. Yesterday at a family dinner my daughter saw her little cousin rolling about on the floor (both are 18 months). She pounced and gave him a kiss.

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  17. I had cousins who you and your sister remind me of... and I'd pair off w/ the older one, and the younger one would be banging at the door... all these years I've felt awful about that! But the younger one turned out much better than the older ;)

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  18. Can I say that my heart leaps when I see "White Trash Motherload" in your titles. Public Houdini is awesome and you should win some big prize for coining the phase.

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  19. I have a friend that makes these. She calls them crabbies. I LOVE them.

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  20. I'm laughing at the playing Doctor...do kids still do that?

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  21. I don't know what is keeping me laughing more-the caged bear at the restaraunt or the term "crack snack"

    Great recipe too!

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  22. I bet you all went to that bear restaurant piled in to one station wagon, no seatbelts, half the kids in the way back, two kids on laps in the front seat.

    I remember the seventies.

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  23. TKW - I love how your sister's face is totally obscured in that picture! Like her friend is suspiciously, angelically clean, and guess who's wearing the evidence? Priceless.

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  24. i frequently abused my mom's makeup myself, but i don't think i ever went so far as to douse something with her perfume. she probably kept it hidden from me. :)
    deeeelightful appetizer. this is definitely one of those that could be eaten in place of the rest of the meal. :)

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  25. I get excited when I see White Trash Motherloade too, I could see me and oldest dd loving these, the hubs and youngest dd not so much.

    And my older brother was the same way I was always banned from hanging with him and his friends.

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  26. oooo those sound yum scrum! I love your story too...naughty friends...I've had one of those in my life...so funny and so colourful! xxx

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  27. Crabmeat, yum!
    Isn't it funny how we remember certain family childhood friends by which kid we got stuck with, or whether or not there were equal friend matchups. I can list all my parents friends from when I was a kid this way.
    Cute photo!
    (and I love your very bittersweet letter to your adorable 11 year-old self!)

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  28. These sound yummy. Didn't you hate when we got "stuck" playing with the kid we didn't want to be with?!

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  29. Thanks for the trip down memory lane! I don't know which part was more vivid. The goofy 70 app or restaurant or hanging out w/a kid you didn't like at one of your parents parties!

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  30. I love these stories. Give.Me.More.

    And yes, another thing you can add to the menu when I crash your crib! But don't worry, my stomach's a bottomless pit, I'll have plenty of room for dinner too!

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  31. Oh, I wish I had dropped some crabmeat in my grocery basket yesterday. This would make an awesome snowed in lunch.

    Is it me or does everything taste better on an english muffin?

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  32. Yum! I love anything with crab in it. These look delicious.

    And thanks for the laughs...I so needed them today :)

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  33. It would be fun to know where David is now! :D

    Hurray for another White Trash Recipe! Cheese spread and mayo....Oh yeah!

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  34. great stories. i always get a good laugh from your blog. i grew up in the south, so i appreciate the simplicity and the deliciousness of these types of recipes. thanks for brightening my day!

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  35. I love me some funny childhood stories, especially with canned crabmeat. (but What, no canned condensed soup?)

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  36. We have a strict rule in our house - NO taking your clothes off when friends are over....I'm sure you can imagine this rule was formed out of necessity.

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  37. That picture is classic! And the recipe is so yummy-sounding that I can imagine just how cracklike the snack became...

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  38. I totally would've let you in the room. Of course, if I'd been around I probably would've gotten stuck tormenting bears with David, too.

    Wish you had a photo of that restaurant. The closest things we had to that in Jersey were the NYers who spent the summers at our beaches...

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