Friday, January 15, 2010

Neighbor Friday : Google is Whack

Welcome to the first edition of Won't You Be My Neighbor Friday! Thanks to Amy of The Never-True Tales for organizing such a neat program!

I'm thrilled to have sweet Jane from TheyCallMeJane's Blog. Jane is witty, kind and hysterically funny. Jane first asked me to be her neighbor in this blog post in November, and she hasn't been able to get rid of me since. I know you're going to love her as much as I do!

What To Do When You're At A Loss For Words? Play Around With Google, Of Course!

I was in the habit of writing posts when the mood struck (which was often) and then scheduling them to be posted. I was getting so ahead of myself my body had a hard time keeping up with my brain. My brain was already wearing tomorrow's outfit and my body was taking off my shoes from the day before. Posts were just spilling out of my head and onto the keyboard. I was more than a week ahead of myself.

Until now.

I just realized I had nothin'. Not a thing scheduled for tomorrow.

The little angel on my right shoulder said, "Come on, now. You can do it. Just cozy up to the keyboard and write. You have so many wonderful things to say."

The little devil on my left shoulder said, "Awwww, skip it. Who really looks in on you daily, anyway? Just those weirdos searching for moms doin' dirty things. Go downstairs, sneak into your chocolate stash and watch one of the 100 shows you have TiVo'd."

The little angel on the right shoulder said, "No. Your public awaits. They'll be so sad to have to look at yesterday's post all over again. You MUST add something new!"

The little devil on the left shoulder said, "Mmmmmm...some chocolate sure sounds good right about now."

Guess who won?

Hey! Ye of little on.

For inspiration, I decided to Google "top ten reasons for....," just for kicks and giggles, to see what comes up. Among the suggestions were "Top ten reasons for divorce" Intriguing. So I clicked it. There were 2, 360, 000 hits. Quite a lot of people pondering that issue. I decided to investigate other reasons for top ten lists. Below are the rest of my findings.

Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Resigned - 164,000,000. That's million. Are you kidding me? I had no idea that many people cared.

Top Ten Reasons to Date a Wrestler - only 272,000 results. I betcha I can think of #272,001.

Top Ten Reasons for Getting Fired - over 1,000,000 results. There are articles on the reasons, the causes. There's even articles on warning signs. Thank God I'm a SAHM. Job security is lookin' pretty great right about now.

Top Ten Reasons You Might Be A Jedi Redneck - Really. I can't make this up. Approximately 2,950 hits for this search. Now, I know Jedis. (My husband is a big Star Wars fan) And I know rednecks. (I live in the southern United States). But how do the twain meet? How, I ask you?

Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate - Only 102,000 hits there. Come. On. Now! Procrastination is an art form, carefully crafted by many. Only 102,000 hits? We got a lot of people in denial out there, and I ain't talkin' about a swim down a famous river.

Top Ten Reasons Against Evolution - First of all, against? Like it's a choice? Ok, so the number of results? 2, 960,000. Almost 3 million.

Top Ten Reasons for Bathing - Only 177,000. I thought I smelled something funny.

Top Ten Reasons Couples Fight - There were 2, 540,000 results for that. I bet my husband and I could add a few more.

Top Ten Reasons Gay Marriage Is Wrong - Another 2 million plus results. Someone tell me why we're spending any time on this issue? Really? Behind closed doors. Consenting adults. Doesn't affect my taxes. Two people love each other. Oooooooooo. Scary.

Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women - 3, 220,000 results. And the Top Ten Reasons Women Are Better Than Men? 29, 400,000. Let me say that again, gentlemen. Twenty nine million, four hundred thousand. Somebody's got some catching up to do!

Top Ten Reasons Not to Get a Toller - What the heck is a toller? There were only 4,040 hits. So I'm not the only one who is in the dark on that one.

Top Ten Reasons to Vote Democrat - There were 2, 010,000 results. But only 1.4 million hits to vote republican. Hmmmmm.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Love You - 45,000,000. But that must be a typo. Surely there are more hits out there? Because love is what makes the world go round. And I just want to shout out to all of you out there, I LOVE YOU! (You're the best. You really are. Now, go hug someone.)

We love you, too, Jane! Please give a hi-five and a herky for Jane!

As for me:

I'm proud to be guest posting at several fabulous sites today! I've tried to pluck some fun, diverse, delicious morsels from the archives that many of you haven't read. I'd be so honored if you'd pop on over to these great blogs today and spend a little time with us! You can find me at TheyCallMeJane, A Design So Vast, Drama for Mama, Making the Moments Count, and Elastamom's Excerpts

Swing on by and hang out by the punchbowl! Much love, TKW


  1. This is why I follow you, Jane, never disappoint me. Let me know if you find out what a toller is. Oh, I'll just google it!

  2. Jane, you crack me up - as always. One of the top ten reasons I read you every day!

    Thanks, Kitch, for bring us some of Jane's writing here at TKW...And now off to visit some of my other favorite places to read what you have in store for us today.

  3. Hooray for guest posts! Nice to read you, Jane! :)

  4. Jane, you are wonderful!!

    My question is, how would google know how much you love someone?

    Just a question.

    It's almost like asking, where is my remote control?

  5. I love Jane's blog but hadn't read this post. I'll be off to check out your neighbors!

  6. Funny stuff! The only 'toller' I've heard of is a Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever (an adorable dog breed) but I don't know 10 reasons not to get one!

  7. Oh Jane...this is awesome! I am a fan of googling too, mostly to research bizarre things for fiction (sometimes just looking at my google history is entertainment). I can tell you right now why there were only 102,000 hits for procrastination: it's a natural talent. Either you have it, or you don't, and you can't learn it over the internet. Just my opinion. ;) Now I need to go learn about Jedi Rednecks, because I think my husband's cousin is's good to have a label for it. Thanks for being a part of Won't You Be My Neighbor!

  8. Jane you are great when you get stumped! Let yourself slip a little more often good Mama. Thanks for being so smart, witty and right on!!! TKW has superb taste in neighbors

  9. My theory on the procrastination number: Real procrastinators haven't gotten around to searching just yet. Maybe later, after a handful of gummies and another episode of Criminal Minds. Err, or maybe that's just me.

  10. Hi Jane! Fun post :D. Sweet kickoff to all the neighboring, TKW.

  11. One of my favorite They Call Me Jane posts. Favorite being all of them

  12. You are all too kind! And Phoo-D? You are the winner with the toller definition! (Boy, TKW's readers are so smart! But wait, I knew that already!)

  13. Hysterical! (Google is now as good as a night out at the movies, and it isn't $7 for popcorn.)

  14. Haha. A Redneck Jedi? That made me giggle.

  15. That was hilarious! ooooo, scary! I like it! =)

  16. I see you Jane on so many "favorite lists" on the blogs I read and now I see why! Hysterical... really. And what IS a toller?

    I love that without a post idea, you came up with a post idea by talking about thinking of a post idea! Awesomeness.

    I'll be by to visit again!

  17. Hilarious that the procrastinators are not self aware enough to ask why. And also don't have the motivation to google it because they are putting it off for tomorrow.

    Herky for Jane!

  18. So funny, nice to meet you, Jane!!

    (And really, does anyone need more than one reason to bathe? Other just plain stink?)

  19. Love, love, love this post. Thanks TKW for sharing Jane with us.