Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Answers my Friend are Blowing in the Wind/ the Answers are Blowing in the Wind.

Yeah, I call bullshit too. What the heck did that dumbass song mean? The only thing blowing in the wind today was our internet connection and my hat and the last vestiges of my dreams that Santorini would clear up and behave.

So we ricocheted about, like a couple of North Dakota hockey forwards and went into the rain and the ballast and the VERY pissed off tourists.

Now let's get one thing clear. Am I upset that the weather is utterly craptacular on this island that I have waited 15 years (because I've dreamed of it for 15 years) to experience? Yeah, that's a positive. Is it a complete goddamn cheat that when you get to the place of your dreams NOTHING goes right or works right or is right? Yep, it really is. It sucks. But, and don't kill the messenger because I'm just sayin'.....

People, it doesn't give you a reason to be a dick.

Tourists are swarming around hotel lobbies and bars like the angry vampires from The Lost Boys, gunning their motorcycles and baring their teeth and pacing like agitated cats. And their waitress is their mid-morning snack.

"I said I wanted HOT coffee."

"You call this orange juice?"

"You said this was vegan, but it smells animal."

"You don't have a gluten free option. Really. What century are we in?"

"How do I know that your jam and syrup doesn't have high fructose corn syrup in it, because I read..."

"Hey girlie! Order of biscuits, sausage and cream gravy, stat.

"What do you mean you are OUT of soup? It's just soup?! Make some more, for chrissakes."

The weathermen have promised us a nicer day tomorrow. I really hope so. Because I don't want to see any more people taking their disappointment out on the easiest and youngest targets. Yah, okay, asshole, the weather and your life today isn't going the way you planned.You and me both.

So I suggest you do what I did today and go out without an umbrella and get drenched and start to shiver and wander around until...you reach that warm taverna you were in yesterday. And you walk in, say you are so happy for this shelter, and smile at the girl you thought was an inept little twat of a server, but she had a nice face. And damnded if you aren't glad to see her. And you don't sass and tip her double.

Yeah, you, Tosser. From Wherever You Are. Poor Disappointed Tourist man with aggression to spare..That anger you have? You don't know where it comes from or where it begins or where it ends. But you carry it around like a spider in the corner, like the birthmark that nobody can see. But. you. can. see.

You have a lot to answer for. Pony up and be a Human Being, not a petulant child in the corner.

Because tomorrow, you know what?

It's just gonna be rain. And disappointment. Perhaps a lot of disappointment. But life and rain and travel and crazy soft Greek music keep keening from the background, and how you see it all boils right down to one thing: You.


  1. As a former waitress I can assure that tourist that had anyone called me Girlie and wanted biscuits and gravy stat they would indeed have gotten their sausage biscuits and gravy stat with a good old glob of venom and spit....

    Okay no, actually I would have have given them the overly nasty nice attitude where they couldn't technically complain but somehow they would get I thought there were assholes. And I would have taken my sweet time, too. I had it down to an art.

  2. This was a beautiful post.

  3. Well, I'm a dummy because I actually posted the wrong draft, but thanks ck and kestrel. The draft I meant to post had asterisks by the angry customer remarks, because that's actually what I FIGURED they were saying (snarling) because they all were talking in some language I couldn't understand.

    But man, I was so ashamed of human nature that day.