Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Shrink-My-Ass-Month: Portobello Benedict

Am I the only person on the planet who thinks Hollandaise sauce is the Devil's work? That shit be nasty. Fatty, gloppy, lukewarm sauce the color of I want that on my eggs? No. But thanks, really.

This aversion is actually good when you are deep in the month of Project Posterior Shrinkage. Hollandaise has no place in SMAM.

I was intrigued by this recipe because duh, there's no Hollandaise in it. Plus, it seemed kind of genius to use a grilled portobello mushroom in lieu of the English muffin.

*Little Side Rant: Okay, people, is it portobellO or portobellA? Because I've made recipes with both spellings, and as an English Nerdlet, it bugs me. Which is right? My anal-retentive self needs to know!!!!*

This recipe seemed perfect for a lazy Sunday morning, so Saturday I went to the grocery store and picked up the ingredients.

Lazy Sunday Morning, my fat fanny. At 4:55 am I was awakened to something akin to: "Reeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Hubs and I both bolted up in bed.

"Holy Shit, what was that?" hubs said.

"A peacock circumcision?" I wagered.

And then, of course, the aftermath. Two small girls raced into our bedroom, eager to spill the gory details and place the blame firmly on the head of the other.

Long story short: if you slam a door very forcefully on a kittycat's tail, you will be greeted with "Reeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

What the heck those girls were doing making mischief at 4:55 am is beyond me.

So my morning started oh, 2 1/2 hours earlier than I would have liked. At least breakfast was delicious. In fact, hubs declared it the best thing he's eaten for breakfast EVER. Now he might have been plying me with praise because I was rather irritable after my rude and premature awakening, but I'll take any compliment I can get.

Grilled Portobello Benedict
serves 4
from Ellie Krieger's So Easy

Cooking spray
4 portobello mushroom caps (about 4 ounces each)
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt, plus more to taste
4 slices Canadian bacon
4 large eggs
4 large egg whites
2 tablespoons water
Freshly ground black pepper to taste
4 teaspoons store-bought pesto
8 fresh basil leaves, cut into ribbons
4 teaspoons freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Preheat grill pan sprayed with cooking spray.

With a spoon, gently scrape out the dark inside of the mushroom caps (the gills), being careful not to break the cap. Brush both sides of the mushroom caps with the oil and season with 1/4 teaspoon salt. Grill the mushrooms over medium-high heat until they are tender and their juices begin to release, about 7 minutes per side. Transfer each mushroom to a plate, top side down.

On the same grill pan, cook the Canadian bacon slices over medium-high heat until they are warm and grill marks have formed, about 30 seconds per side. Place one slice of bacon in each of the mushroom caps.

In a medium-sized bowl, whisk the eggs, egg whites, and water together until well combined. Spray a medium-sized nonstick skillet with cooking spray and heat over medium-low heat. Add the eggs and scramble until cooked through, about 3 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.

Spoon 1/4 of the egg mixture into each mushroom cap. Drizzle 1 teaspoon of the pesto over each and top with some of the basil ribbons and 1 teaspoon of Parmesan cheese.

*When I make this again, I think I'm going to add a few chopped sun-dried tomatoes and mix them in with the eggs. I thought the finished dish just sort of needed something red in it. I'm an aesthetic weirdo that way.

Author's Note: Since I am sure you are all dying from curiosity, Harryboy is okay. He did, however, scuttle around with the crazy eyes all morning.


  1. heh. You had a furry fury!

    I've been to a place named Portobello Beach, therefore I put an O at the end.

    that looks delish:)

  2. Maybe it depends on if it's a girl or boy mushroom?

    And I also would have assumed a peacock circumcision... great minds I tell ya!

    Looks delish (if I didn't have that damn egg allergy hovering over half of my family!)

  3. Kitch. Really. How can you hate Hollandaise? I gotta say, I love you. But I just don't get that. What do you sop your breakfast potatoes in?

    Still, I gotta give you cred. These things look AWESOME. I think I might try them this weekend.

    Does Kitty still have a tail?

    Hope you're on you're way UP.

  4. I recently discovered that I love portobello mushrooms... as a matter of fact I'm making them tonight as part of our new "meatless once a week" project -which with my boyfriend is no easy task!

    To answer your question: it's portobello, with an "o". And I hate it when I go to restaurants that misspell it -especially when they spell it "portAbellA". You're not the only English nerd here, see?

  5. Oh that looks heavenly. If I could convince D that mushrooms can be tasty things, he might let me offer this to him.

    We have a new foster kitty I haven't blogged about yet. No tail-slammings here but the girl likes to BITE. Glad Harryboy is okay.

    And now for the portobello/portobella question: for you, TKW, I unearthed my copy of FOODSPELL: A Guide to Style & Spelling For Food Terms, Both Common & Exotic (by the Association of Food Journalists). When I was a copy editor, this was the standard for food-related spelling concerns at my paper. FOODSPELL says, "portobello (also portobella) -- large, dark-brown mushroom." Since the spelling with -bello is listed first, that's what we were told to select by our copy desk chief. But, to answer your question, either form is acceptable.

    I say pick the one that suits you better!

  6. Oh yes I will! This sounds great! Must be the Canadian bacon!

  7. I'm also not a fan of Hollondaise (and reading Kitchen Confidential really put me off the stuff), so I love alternatives. But I can't replace my poached eggs with scrambled--I need my runny yolks!

    For a healthy breakfast, this sounds divine--unlike what Ms. Krieger has been up to over at the Food Network with "reworking" fast food into health dishes, though I'm hazarding a guess that it was only under the force of duress by TPTB. Food Network Humor has the full scoop.

  8. Mr. B would do backflips for this. (He's a pesto nut.) This is a must make soon! I hate to throw out a contrarian view (well okay I don't) but according to the Mushroom Council it is portAbellA. Just who is this mushroom council you say? I don't know but it sounds like fun!

  9. Poor Kitty, Sounds like the early morning awakening for you was a benefit for the rest of us, this looks great!

    I spell that particular mushroom different all the time. I wonder... How do you get a job at the Muchroom council anyway?

  10. Hollondaise is disgusting.

    I can't believe your daughters were up at 4:55!! I thought that early mornings ended by a certain age!!

  11. Yummy! I'm getting so tired of the typical pancake/scrambled egg/waffle weekend dance at our house lately. This will be fun to shake things up. But I have to admit (one of the few things we don't have in common), I like hollandaise sauce.

  12. MMMmmmmmm canadian bacon
    I love benedict of any variety.

  13. I know I feel the same way about the spelling, I've seen it both ways, and don't you hate that when it's okay either way, but what way is really the right way? Huh?

    This looks awesome, we both (hubz & myself) love that mushroom!! And benedicts. One of our fav restaurant closed that had a "Bunless burger benedict" but is wasn't an ass-shrinker cuz it had blue cheese, bacon and the sauce!

    I'll have to try this one!!

  14. Oooh, this reminds me of my absolute favorite breakfast at my absolute favorite diner. Creamy delicious boursin cheese is melted into the scrambled eggs and then the eggs and ham are layered on the portobello. Yum, yum, yum!

  15. YUM! It looks so good and its low carb to boot!!! Perfect for me, I'm heading back onto my diet :(

  16. Can I bring my fam over to your house for Sunday brunch? You guys seem to feast a wee bit more gloriously than we do!

  17. TKW, I know deep down that we are soul mates living on the wrong sides of the country. But really...not liking Hollandaise?? WHAT???YUMMY!!! I'm a sauce person, though. Any liquid substance that can instantly put inches on my hips is my true love.

  18. portAbellO??? not sure either

    looks yummy but it's missing the HOLLANDAISE.

    And the english muffin dammit :)

  19. The National Mushroom Society says portabella is the preferred, but the -0 and -a are used interchangeably elsewhere.
    Hollandaise is so egregiously wrong that it's a waste of letters to write it out. Gross nastiness.
    And this recipe, if I'm right, is portabellas, eggs, cheese, and pesto? There is nothing but rightness in that combination. (And I agree with the red and sweetness need. Sundried it is...)

  20. I've got to hide this blog from my kids. If they see that another mom makes breakfasts that don't involve opening a box of dry cereal and splashing in milk of questionable vintage, I'm in deep trouble. Of course, I'm in deep trouble for any cooking.

    Looks great!

  21. Must admit to liking Hollandaise sauce, but can't be bothered to make it at home. Your mushroom breakfast sounds fantastic. Peacock circumcision? Where do you get these strange ideas? I could well imagine the sound, though! Poor kitty.

  22. That looks so amazing. I wish I was eating it instead of looking at the photograph and salivating over it. Dammit.

  23. Even though I am not a huge portobella fan, this looks fantastic. I do not like Hollandaise sauce either.

  24. first of all, hilarious cartoon, on many levels. secondly, what a ridiculously healthy breakfast--it appeals to me even though i don't like mushrooms. portobello, portobella, porto-bleck. :)
    and ha--you said nerdlet. :)

  25. oh dear poor he'd have liked a little for the girls being up so wait...they'll be sleeping in when they are a bit older, it will be harder to get them out of the bed! Small consolation right now though I

  26. I've always thought it was portobello. Now I'm confused...

    Glad HarryBoy is okay. I'd have crazy eyes,too, had my tail been fucked with so mercilessly.

    And I, too, think Hollandaise is some intensely gross assed shit. This dish, however, looks amazing.

  27. wow, looks fantastic. also the portobello/portabella stuff has been driving me crazy too!

    A bientot!
    The Paris Food Blague

  28. That looks and sounds delish. I am going to try it. I love portabellos/portabellas...what ever they're called!

  29. Alright, I've got a Latin cape, so these must be my... Italian tights? Sure. We'll go with that.

    *dons Italian tights*

    I'd guess that there are two spellings that are most acceptable: Portabella & Portobello .

    Italian needs its adjectives "bella" to agree with its nouns "porta."

    A "porta bella" would be a "beautiful gate" and a "porto bello" would be a "beautiful harbor/port."

    So I'd suggest picking one and sticking with it - but being careful to have your a's and o's in agreement! All of this, however, can get thrown right out the window for two very good reasons.

    1) The name could very well be a proper name, in which case conventional spelling is kaput.

    2) This mushroom doesn't seem to be native to Italy in the first place.

    *doffs Italian tights*

    And that, good friends, was more than anyone really gave a damn about.

  30. J. Harker--You can don/doff your Italian tights for me anytime.

  31. That sounds ridiculously good. Can't wait to try it!!

  32. Sounds terrific, but won't fly @ chez SS, hubs hates the 'shrooms . . . sigh. And I was awakened at 4:30 this a.m. So now, at 2:00 p.m., I'm ready for it all to be over, when unfortunately, it's all really beginning 'cause school's letting out soon. Eeeek!

  33. You keep tempting me w/ Portabella/o recipes! And I don't have an answer to your question, but I agree that it's annoying these mushrooms have two slightly different names! I'm not working at all this Sunday, and we don't have crazy kiddos to wake us up early, so maybe this would be a fun LATE Sunday breakfast this weekend :)

  34. I don't like mushrooms. My husband does though. I find it funny that he doesn't like pot roast yet he'll willingly eat fungus.

  35. I seriously don't know how you do this: how you combine your food blog posts with great recipes, pictures and great story telling. I want a movie made of your blog! Now, another thing: m'lady, you actually made THAT for breakfast? Breakfast? The red-headed orphan amongst all the meals in a day? Now I feel very bad towards breakfast in our house...

  36. I really don't know if it's portabello and portabella but I do know this looks completely delicious!!

    I know I shouldn't tell you this (promise you'll still be my bloggy friend!) but eggs benedict with gloppy hollandaise is my total favorite. I only eat it on special occasions though. It's so very terrible for me with all of that buttah!!

  37. for the record, I've woken three mornings in a row laughing at the phrase "peacock circumcision."