Friday, April 16, 2010

White Trash Motherlode: Brazilian Hamburgers




In my house, growing up, Daddy was the sole master of the grill. Nobody else in the family touched it.

I, personally, was afraid of the thing. It arrived, unassembled, in a gi-normous box one Spring day, and Daddy vowed to put it together on the weekend. The box boasted that the grill only took about an hour (with minimal tools) to assemble.

Well, it took Daddy about six hours to put together. I remember riding my tricycle around the neighborhood and passing by our garage, and there was Daddy, counting screws, re-reading directions, throwing screwdrivers across the garage in frustration.

I'd ride into the garage on occasion, just to check on him. It was pretty swell entertainment, actually.

As dusk approached, I parked my tricycle in the garage, stood by Daddy for a few minutes and then went inside for some Hi-C.

"Is your father still out there?" Mama asked.
"Uh-huh," I said, gulping my juice.
"It's not ladylike to swill like that, Miss," Mama reminded.
"Sorry." I put down my glass. "Hey Mama?"
"Yes?"
"What does 'Goddamnsonofabitch' mean?"
My mother put down her potato peeler and looked at me sternly. "Now just where did you hear that word, Miss?"
Wide-eyed,I pointed to the garage. "Daddy said it. He's talkin' to the barbeque."

He did, eventually, get it put together, but there were a few mysterious stray screws lying around that nettled him.

With all of the effort it took to assemble the grill, you'd think Daddy would've given more thought to his grilling technique. Alas, he never did.

Daddy would cheerfully take out a plate of juicy chops or plump burgers, plop them on the grill, and then get distracted. Even when Mama remembered to set the timer, he'd somehow manage to overcook whatever foodstuff graced that grill.

Diligently, we'd chew our way through burgers the consistency of hockey pucks, slathering on copious amounts of Heinz 57 sauce.

Daddy cooked "Puck Burgers" for most of my childhood. He's gotten better at the grilling thing with age; perhaps because he's not so easily distracted anymore. Or perhaps because he got a new grill a while back--a pre-assembled one.

Anyways, the following recipe is an old one. I'm not sure where Mama got it, but it greatly reduced the chance of us getting "Puck Burgers" for dinner. The egg, water, cheese and herbs add moisture to the meat, so even if you cook them a little South of where you like, you won't need that bottle of Heinz 57.





Brazilian Hamburgers*
makes 4

1 pound lean ground beef
1/4 cup grated fresh Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup finely chopped green onion
2 tablespoons fresh chopped parsley
1 egg, beaten
1 tablespoon ice water
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
dash cayenne

Mix all ingredients together; shape into 4 patties. Grill 4 minutes per side or until desired doneness. Serve bunless, or open-faced.

Personally, I like mine topped with a little onion jam (Boar's Head) and a sprinkling of Parmesan.

* I do not know where these burgers got their name. As far as I can tell, there's nothing inherently "Brazilian" in the recipe. All of the ingredients are pretty plebian. Perhaps it's because the burger is served bunless/topless? Would a recipe dare to be that racy in the early 70's? Your guess is as good as mine.

53 comments:

  1. Racy to not have a bun on top?! You do make me laugh...love the story - and you look so cute! :) xxx

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  2. mmm, puck burgers and new words to virgin ears. what a childhood you had. :)
    i think your guess as to the reason for the name is a good one. i know that i always associate toplessness with brazil. :)

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  3. The grill assembly is always an ideal time to go out for a ride in the neighborhood. I've lived through 2 assemblies now and goddamnsonofabitch was the most vanilla word hurled through house;)

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  4. LOL love the cussing joke. My Daddy could cuss up a storm. We lived in a tiny little town and had milk cows every night the whole town could hear him yelling at them trying to get them into the barn.
    Burgers look great and fit right into my dinner plans tonight.

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  5. I love the story, and your philosophy about the name of the burger is pure TKW! I don't eat red meat (mind out of the gutter, missy), but even I think these burgers sound delicious. And your presentation is beautiful!

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  6. Always best to get out of the way when Dad was putting something together. We always hid in the garage. But I must admit grilling was way beyond my dad. The best he could do was churn ice cream and make caramel corn. Which wasn't too bad now I think about it.
    Brazilian puckburgers sure look familiar. I think I may have served these to MY kids, Missy.
    (I have a white trash motherlode posting today with a link to you...great timing!)

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  7. My husband puts egg (among a shitload of other stuff) in his burgers too and everyone always thinks it odd until the try them.

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  8. I love your opening photo! You look so serious =). The reasoning on the name behind these babies makes me giggle. You're right they sound delicious but the tops-off must bring out the Brazilian name!

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  9. I had the same experience, except the part of the father was played by my husband, and I didn't ride a tricycle around. But the mutterings were the same...I even think there were screws left over that time, too.

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  10. Um, maybe you need to trim the *cough* shrubbery for a Brazilian?
    jc

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  11. Love your story! And the burger looks delish.

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  12. I laughed at the thought of High -C...What ever happened to that stuff?

    oh yeah...Burgers.......MMMMMMMMM

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  13. Great looking burger! I will add egg and bunch of other stuff if I serve mine bunless too! My dad was an engineer so while he was putting together the grill he was explaining how everything worked, and then he passed on his grilling talents to me! Of course explaining why the temperature was at this point first, then don't touch it, exactly how long to have it on each side then... so on and so on.....

    I'll try it...

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  14. I'm so happy grilling season is here! We got a new BBQ this year too, LOVE IT!

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  15. Aha, So you got your foul mouth from your pops? Me too, me too. There wasn't a morning of my youth I didn't wake up to the sounds of my father cursing in his closet as he tried to find a goddamn shirt without a fucking coffee stain on it. Dammitalltohell!

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  16. Cute, cute photo!

    I can't imagine why "Brazilian" either. Maybe, since they sound so casual, whenever I fix them, I'll go with "Bras?Nil-on."

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  17. Terrific story. I use egg, herbs, etc in turkey burgers, but had never thought to use the same technique with beef. Will have to give it a whirl. I always love ways to spruce up burgers.

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  18. YUM. I use egg and herbs frequently in my hamburgers, but I'm still working on the grilling portion...they are always underdone or puckish.

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  19. Ha! I have brazilian friends...the wife (the photographer on my blog) goes topless all the time (bun-less?!?) and the husband is the best damn griller ever.

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  20. I love these stories. Love them! Maybe they're Brazilian b/c they're hairless? :)

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  21. They always put a few extra screws in, you know, just in case. ... Right??

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  22. How in the world did you know what was on our menu for Saturday? You crack me up with your topless reference - too funny!

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  23. Does it mean that I have a dirty mind that it went right to that kind of Brazilian when I read your title?

    Pitch-perfect details in this story, Kitch: the Hi-C, the tricycle ride in and out of the garage, hockey puck burgers. Perfect.

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  24. I always love to read your stuff, there is nothing like pairing great food ideas with entertaining stories. I admit though, that the tile of this one had me unusually curious. You didn't disappoint, with the story or with the recipe. I'll try this one out next week! Who can resist a good burger.

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  25. jc beat me to it...I thought maybe if the parsley was arranged in a stripe across the burger...

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  26. Your readers have dirty minds. : )

    I needed a laugh today and your story did it for me. Now that summer is approaching, we will be setting up our grill! I bet your dad would love ours!! (It is like 1 foot tall and can only hold one burger at a time.)

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  27. My worst nightmare occurred today, I got to work and checked my blog and there it was on the right hand side TKW's "White Trash Motherload" in the title. 10 hours of work then a 2 hour commute (stupid construction) and finally I get to read it1

    Worth the wait.

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  28. I've assembled a grill.... I KNOW that I said a lot worse that Goddamnsonofabitch!!!!! I think I even have pictures of my flipping my father-in-law the bird because he thought the grill building should have gone faster. Mind you it was HIS grill and he was NOT helping me put it together! He too prefers hockey pucks to burgers. I believe I'll have to try this recipe the next time he decides to take over my grill.

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  29. I have always been scared of grills, I have no idea why other than my dad putting the fear of God into me that one could explode in my face if I got too close to it :)
    This made me smile at so many of the details!

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  30. Loved this story Kitch! From the picture of you so serious on your little bike, to the image of your dad putting the grill together, to you "chewing your way through" the burgers... pure joy for me. Interested in the name "Brazilian burgers". I always think of "totally bare" when I think of Brazilian. That and "OUCH!". These burgers don't look totally bare though and I'd imagine they don't cause pain so, did I miss the explanation? I like puck burgers. I'll need to rename some of my way-too-hard meat dishes by this name.

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  31. lol.lol...my Dada was the same impatient person as yours!

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  32. This story is hilarious. And I'd eat the heck out of that burger! Makes me wish we had a yard and, therefore, a grill.

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  33. My mom always mixed her hamburger meat in a large wooden salmonella-laden bowl by hand. She just start kneading the eggs and bread crumbs and hamburger meat together, but, of course, she was the mother - she'd touch anything.

    Love the two trikes. I'd forgotten that there were gigantic trikes and little tiny ones. What happened to tricycles?

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  34. These sound delicious for sure : ) And I LOVED the story about the grill assembly. How fun. What a great memory : )

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  35. Wow, these are very unique and delicious looking. My husband loves to try different kinds of burgers... I wonder if he'd like these!

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  36. LMAO about the "new word" you used.

    And really, Heinz 57 isn't a delicacy? It was in our house. ;)

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  37. Looks like a great recipe... will try it! Fortunately, my husband is really good with a grill!

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  38. Love the puck burger tale (and why are there always extra screws post-assembly??) - does the Brazilian burger come with a thong?

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  39. Topless burgers are *perfect* for me and D. (We have to halve our bun intake because of the carbs.) Now I can feel all exotic when we make these instead of just slightly deprived :)

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  40. Maybe I was lucky to have a grill free childhood?? But then again, I had to eat liver and onions. Maybe a puck burger would have been better.

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  41. Hilarious! And a bit scary... all that swearing at the grill (and the occasional hocky puck) reminds me of my husband. Yep, right here in 2010. Thankfully, I have learned to use the charcoal beast myself! But still, any burger that stays moist is a winner in my book!

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  42. You mean right after the sexual revolution of the 60's? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they would be that racy.

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  43. You cannot beat a simply made delicious burger. Your mom's recipe is a good one.

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  44. The conversation between you and your mom cracked me up! It's funny that you mention onion jam. Yesterday morning my kids and I were joking around and trying to think of crazy jam flavors and I said onion jam. I didn't know there was such a thing! :)

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  45. Lol! My dad couldn't cook to save his life. If ever he made dinner it was beenies and weenies ala a can of beans!

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  46. Hahaha I love this story. Something similar happened when my boyfriend had to put together the kitchen cart that we got for Christmas. Never heard so much swearing in my life.

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  47. That picture of you on the tricycle is adorable!! I can relate to your dad because no matter what I do to grill burgers, they almost always seem overdone. I just can't get it right for some reason. This recipe sounds delicious though. We will give it a try!

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  48. My dad had a similar knack for mix-matching vulgarity, though his subjects were usually of the electronic persuasion. I learned quickly that "f*ckface" was not the model name of our canister vacuum. (Though I think it might be the name of the one I have now...)

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  49. That's a great story, I'm scared of all boxes that have building instructions, after six hours a few more colourful words would of been pouring outta my mouth!
    Sexy burger by the way

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  50. Isn't it amazing the things we remember so crisply? I love this story, how your father was the grill man, how you all humored him by eating his pucks?

    These burgers sound absolutely delish!

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  51. I swear, we HAVE to have the same parents. My Dad also managed to make very tough meat on the grill every single time he would grill anything. In fact, I think he even ruined a package of wieners once. lol

    These sounds very NOM NOM!

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  52. Is that you on the little trike? The little girl looks like a doll next to such a big girl!

    My darling mountain man is of the Puck Society. I'm so heartened to hear that one day we may not have to eat leather during grill season.

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  53. I KNEW it. We are sisters. We apparently have the same father!!

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