Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Happiness: Five for Ten



Ah, the elusive little devil that is Happiness. Everyone wants it. Everyone seeks it. Heck, our forefathers declared that it was our right to pursue it.

But what is happiness, really? And why is it that so often, the things we thought would make us happy, when we finally get them...don't? At least not in the ways we thought they would?

I have no answers for you.

What? You think I'm freakin' Yoda or something? You think I have any clue what makes you tick and shimmy with joy? I have a hard enough time figuring out how to make myself happy--I've got no time for you! Do your own reconnaissance!

Ahem. Anyways, Jen and Sarah decided that we needed to write about happiness today, so here goes! And don't forget to check the links over at Jen and Sarah's site--there are some mucho talented writers participating in Five for Ten!

***Happiness

When I pushed two tiny, howling bundles of endless need out of my body, I had no idea that my idea of happiness was going to change. The things I reveled in as a non-mother? Poof! Up in smoke, boy and girls. Things that once ranked high on the Joy-o-Meter suddenly had no significance whatsoever.

You think I'm kidding? Allow me to illustrate.

8 Things That Made Me Happy Before I Had Children


1. An hour-long soak in the bathtub with music, novel, bubbles.

2. Cuddling on the couch with hubs, watching back-to-back re-runs of the X-Files.

3. Ditching plans to cook dinner in favor of Takeout in Skivvies night.

4. Massage with "Relaxation" Lavender Oil.

5. Marathon day of shopping in the spring. Purchases: flirty sundresses, high-heeled sandals, mini-skirt.

6. Sunday mornings at the bookstore, latte in hand, leisurely scouting out the newest offerings.

7. A good, hard, 60 minute workout at the gym. Long shower to follow.

8. Wine.

***

See what I mean? Those joys are shallow little husks of things. It wasn't until motherhood that I understood what things really bring the happy.


8 Things That Make Me Happy Now That I Have Children



1. A 5 minute shower without interruption/comments from the peanut gallery, such as: "Hey Mama, if your boobs were any bigger, we could play boxing on them," and (pointing southward towards prime real estate) "Harryboy!"




Harryboy


2. Being able to watch a TiVo'd episode of The Daily Show without falling asleep during the opening monologue.

3. Serving and consuming dinner without critiques like: "Piss, piss, piss! I don't like this dinner!"

4. That awesome numby-cream stuff that they give you for your poor, battered pikachu the day after giving birth.

5. Internet shopping. Chez Target. Purchases: skirt with elastic waistband, muffin-top-concealing t-shirts, Spanx.

6. Sunday mornings when you aren't awakened before 6:30 am by any of the following: farting/snoring husband, vomiting cat, bad dream, hacking cough, Pull-up that ate Hiroshima.

7. Working out for 20 minutes (instead of the usual 15) before gym child-care employee tracks you down and informs you that your kid won't stop crying/flailing/shreiking. So they're kicking you out. Again.

8. Wine. Well, okay, not every kind of happiness changed. I'm still human.



Now I know, you're thinking that I'm a grouch and a crank and frankly, I oftentimes am. That's just what you have to live with when you hang with me. I am SnarkWoman.

But even though motherhood has changed me, and has changed my idea of happiness, I cannot say, in the least, that it was a bum trade.




Bath in Peace vs Smell of New Baby? Guess.

62 comments:

  1. I am still wandering why I had to go through 13 hours of pain, ending in the birth of n°1, in order to finally discover internet shopping...

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  2. Lol, #1 makes me think I'm going to regret having a glass shower door...

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  3. Funny what makes us happy post kids...you nailed it.

    And internet shopping...THE BEST!

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  4. Awwww! You're no SnarkWoman! No matter how much you try to convince us otherwise. This list is perfect and so spot on!

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  5. I still don't really internet shop, but otherwise we are practically living identical lives...only I don't get your cheekbones;(

    Thank god for wine.

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  6. Here, here for the numby cream! Raising my glass of wine (okay, grape juice at this time of the day) to you! ~Stacia

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  7. This actually made me Laugh Out Loud! You're a hoot!

    All of #1. "Pikachu"! (Breathe, WackyMummy, just breathe. Whooo!)

    Okay, back to reality. Yep, different stages of development bring different kinds of happiness. Love this post.

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  8. Can't write... laughing too hard at #1 and #6. You captured it. Right on. Spot on.

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  9. I'm happy to just do internet window shopping. Because there's no way to just leisurely look around stores now.

    Oh #6. Sunday mornings, well any morning really, are fun.

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  10. LMAO! And "pikachu"? I learned something new today. So this was both hilarious and educational.

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  11. Yes, how our take on happiness changes, and that's not the only thing that changes after kids. I love your list it was delightful!!!

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  12. I so loved your post today. The part about "the things we thought would make us happy, when we finally get them...don't?"

    You nailed it. That is how I am currently feeling about life.

    Thanks for the reminder, to stop wallowing.

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  13. Item #6 - AWESOME - I completely agree!

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  14. Kitch, love your lists...always do.

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  15. Fabulous post. Online shopping rocks! Wine, well, wine is always good! As they get older, you'll appreciate wine even more!

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  16. Oh thank goodness. Someone who tells it like it is. As you know, we're not at the post-children stage of assessing our happiness, but whatever the discussion of this commodity we're all pursuing, snark humor keeps it real.

    And online shopping rocks.

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  17. Online shopping joins wine for me in the before AND after categories. But I live in rural Arkansas, so.
    I really admire that workouts appear on your happy list.
    Also: When would you say takeout-in-skivvies night has to go? For context, my son is two.

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  18. Great lists! I can relate to every single item... before and after!

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  19. HARRYBOY! PIKACHU! You make me cackle with laughter. (My kid once told me, "I love your mustache, Mama" while pointing at my pikachu. Wonderful!)

    Your lists are effing awesome. I need to make a list of what made me happy pre-kids. I don't think I can really remember back that far.

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  20. You rock my world. That is all.

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  21. Laughing out loud. Especially when I came to 7. Working out for 20 minutes (instead of the usual 15) before gym child-care employee tracks you down and informs you that your kid won't stop crying/flailing/shreiking. So they're kicking you out. Again.

    That happened to me over the weekend. I needed this post to remind my of the ups and downs of motherhood and all of the above.

    I am glad to have met you through Momalom and will be stopping by again and again.

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  22. LMAO! This is too good! Our perspectives sure change don't they!? But your picture at the end says it all. They are worth it. 10 times over! :)

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  23. wine still makes you happy!!! Well, it makes us both act happy, anyway.

    I can't remember how they smelled. That makes me feel so sad. I can remember how they felt though, that tiny head feeling like you have in your touching photo. Am I going to cry EVERY DAMN DAY of this 5 for 10 thing?

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  24. Cutest picture ever! Love the lists.

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  25. Ha ha, your number 8 on both list is my number ONE on both lists!! :)
    Beautiful post. (And awesome pic!)

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  26. You frickin' rock. I, too, am quite cranky when it comes to the "joys" of parenthood (as you know), but I, too, would do it all over again. The perfect happiness combo? Mixing in a little of the "before" stuff regularly in with the "now" stuff!

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  27. Great list.

    Ooo I miss taking long baths.

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  28. Oh, man, this post is awesome and SO hilarious. The bit about the commentary in the shower really got me. I get scathing remarks on why I don't have a "pee" like Daddy (Where did it go, Mom? Did you lose it?). Thanks for this, I'm going to have to bookmark it so I can come back when I need a laugh :)

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  29. Oh yeah, 100%. Would trade it over and over and over and over...

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  30. What is this numbing stuff you speak of?? It was NEVER offered to me!!! I feel totally robbed.
    :)
    Love your take. It's so funny how things change, but in a bizarrly good way.

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  31. OH. MY. GOD!

    I laughed aloud, prompting howling bundle of need #2 to come and take a look...how do I explain pikachu and Harryboy to a 7 year old, huh?

    Hysterical, because it is true...

    That's the icing, isn't it? You have to laugh, because you can't even make this stuff up!

    Loved it...

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  32. "Harryboy??" Where do you come up with this stuff??

    I like you just the way you are, Snarkwoman. : )

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  33. Yes. Jon Stewart has become the man of my dreams. Literally.

    Love this.

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  34. Elastic waistbands allow me to leave the house without singing: Who's Afraid Of The Muffin Man? over and over and over...
    And what's wrong with cranky? It's like a life motto.

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  35. Aww you are good. you make me smile.

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  36. Happiest of (belated) Mother's Days to you, lady. I hope you had a wonderful day feeling loved and needed and exhausted in that good way that only kids can bring.

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  37. So many things resonate with me here, especially X-Files, online shopping, Target and the vomiting cat. Seriously, why DO we have pets?

    With baby, I rarely go shopping anymore. Anything that requires me to veer from routine is exhausting, and since sitting in front of the computer is part of my routine, Amazon.com it is. And I haven't looked back since. It's Godsend. And I'm keeping it.

    Great post!

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  38. So freaking funny.
    But hold the phone...you got numbing cream?!?!

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  39. SnarkWoman needs a cape, heels to vanquish whiners, and a "Shut-the-Hell-Up" wand to silence the peanut gallery. And then she needs to come save the day at my house!

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  40. On the one hand motherhood makes us appreciate all the little stuff we used to take for granted to be happy. But on the other, we experience life and happiness on such a deeper more meaningful level. I love this post!

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  41. Isn't it funny how things change?!

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  42. Great post!

    My grandfather, the father of eight children, always said, "I wouldn't pay a penny for another one, or give one up for a million dollars." And that was when a million dollars was actually a bit o' cash.

    I love that wine remains your constant!

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  43. You make me laugh and make me think and make me snort. And then you always manage to make me cry when you get all poignant. And you have the uncanny ability to do it with just a few words...at the end of a piece that is so perfectly crafted I will forever stand in awe.

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  44. I could not agree more with this post KW! I was young when I had my daughter, but still, I wouldn't have traded anything for the long nights, the reading of a certain book 1000 times or watching The Little Mermaid 2000 times!

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  45. Yes, the smell of the stuff just after having babies...what IS that stuff? I was getting my lip waxed recently (another generous gift of getting older) and she used that...I was transported to those fragile moments when time stood still. And I didn't sleep again for 3 years.

    I asked if I could whiff again.

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  46. Wonderful post! Aside from item one on your pre-Mommyhood list I would have all your items on my list, added to which would be going for a hike, impossible with a toddler who after walking 100 yds says plaintively "carry you?". Also getting on a plane and just going somewhere for a weekend, with little to no luggage and lots of expectations of a fun/cultural/foodie weekend ahead. Fast forward to planning any trip being like planning a military operation and only being able to go to a restaurant that has "caynons" and mac & cheese. But like you, I would not trade this new life for the old, not one bit

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  47. I never got any numby cream!!! I did, however, get a rubber-hose-like gadget that attached to the faucet of the sink next to the toilet and ended in a little shower-wand. . . god I loved that thing. . .

    Hubby and I snuggled through two episodes of the X Files JUST LAST WEEK!!! Yes, darling, the end is in sight. You'll get it all back, with interest.

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  48. You are the woman, Kitch. I just love me your humor and your salty and your sweet all at once.

    You know what would make me really happy these days? New baby-scented bubble bath. Let's get marketing!

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  49. Awesome, hilarious, so-true post! Loved it!

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  50. I still sneak a bubble bath..I just do it after bedtime. And after a day of toddler tantrums I usually have a glass of bubbly to go along with it. HA!

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  51. Right on! Life changes so much when kids enter the picture. I still enjoy an hour long workout - but I have to get up at 5 am to sneak it in. And the wine, that's essential. :-)

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  52. This is one of the truest, funniest accounts of motherhood I've read - and you know I've read a lot. Reading this post made me happy!

    Cat vomiting? Yep. That was this morning.

    That baby smell? Simply unmatched.

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  53. Well these past two posts are certainly enlightening.
    Your sister was a little shit. And I don't blame you for not trusting her. Trust ME when I say a little "push" down the stairs is reform school time. I had an older sister and believe me, she didn't try to kill me.

    As for your lists of before and after (which I always get such a kick out of) been there, done that. Nothing is more surprising to a new mother than to realize how much you love that tiny helpless baby. It's an amazing, wondrous thing.

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  54. I wouldn't trade this kind of happy for anything in the world!
    Thank God for wine! :)

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  55. I go to the gym now not for the hour long work out but so that I can shower without help. Thanks the laugh which is only funny because it's so damn true!

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  56. I wonder what mommies of yore did before internet shopping!

    I recall life before children. I even miss some of my life before children. But, even on my worst mommy days, if someone asked me to trade my children for my life before I'd laugh hysterically and skip off with my guys:)

    Great way to put it all into perspective!

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  57. Love your lists, TKW! You are so dang creative that it just makes me want to kick myself! (A list! Why didn't I think of a list???)

    Here's my favorite idiotic thing I do post-motherhood, involving Internet shopping: I hear about a book I've GOT to read, I order it from Amazon and then it becomes another in the tower of books I've ordered, bought, searched for, teetering around my bedroom but never gotten around to reading.

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  58. With a list like that we could of hung out pre and post babies! Maybe I'll see you in the nursing home lounge when we are in our 90's still sipping a martini.....just need to move back to the States, I've got a few years xx

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  59. Well put sweetness! Love You, Tink

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  60. While I miss being able to read for HOURS without interruption and spending time and money at a bookstore, I love all the happy moments that surround my kids too. I love this post!

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  61. You amaze me and make me laugh. Out loud. Thank you Thank you Thank you.

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