Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Hawaiian Vacation: Part II

Before I go any further, I feel a need to explain a little something. A little something known to this family as the curse.

The T Family has, somewhere along the line, pissed off The Vacation Gods. Royally. I don't know how we did it, but we did, and those Vacation Gods are vindictive little fucks. Because every vacation we take as a family? Plagued by sickness and/or some kind of mayhem. Cursed.

You think I'm kidding?

Exhibit A: the tropical vacation 2 years ago where Awesome Stepkid R arrived on our doorstep, the day before travel, with a miserable cold. Which was just a cold, no big deal...for him. However, Miss D. caught the cold, which turned into raging bronchitis. 4 days of that vacation were spent trapped in the hotel room, alternating nursing shifts with hubs, as she coughed up her lungs, burned with fever and wailed.

Exhibit B:The trip to Disney last year, where Miss D. projectile vomited all over herself, her brother, and the rental car with velour seats on a busy highway. And bad mom only had 2 more wipes left in her purse. Try cleaning that mess.

Exhibit C: The destination wedding in Mexico, where 2 hours after checking into the hotel, KitchyWitchy, in all her grace and glory, slipped on wet tiles by the side of the pool and came crashing down, with all of her weight, on her left wrist. My poor friend Shelley's wedding photos are laden with images of bruised, bandaged and braced up me, sulking.

Exhibit D: The worst of the bunch, by far. The $4,000 ski vacation from Hades. The build-up for this one was big; hubs had a medical conference at the Ritz-Carlton in Beaver Creek. A Ritz-Carlton! Awesome! We were beyond excited. On our way up to the ski resort, Miss D. barfed. And then the whole night. The next day, on a packed-to-the-gills apres-ski shuttle bus, Miss M. decided to give dozens of skiiers a lovely vomit shower. It was so vile that they evacuated everyone off the bus at the closest stop. She threw up every hour for 12 hours after that. Then, I spent a day and a half over a toilet. Je-sus. 3 out of 4 family members K.O.'ed. Plus, because it was a "working vacation", we couldn't just leave. We were stuck. At a freaking Ritz-Carlton. We paid $4,000 for a room to vomit in for 5 days.

See? Cursed.

So without further ado, I'll tell you about Hawaii, episode 2. I'll be brief.

Sitting in our hotel room, watching it pour rain (oh, did I neglect to share that little detail?)...my husband said, "Well, as bad as that was, at least it was asthma and not some disease."

I told him to shut the Hell up. He hadn't been vomited on twice, in public, in one day. Optimists suck.

The next morning, Miss D. awoke in fine fettle. Happily, we hit the beach and the pool and the clouds cleared by afternoon and I thought maybe, just maybe, this was going to be a good vacation.

That evening, The Licker began to cough. A few hours later, she was incendiary. Then she said, "Mommy, I think I ate too much candy," and gripped her gut. Alas, she hadn't eaten any candy.

You know what comes next.

Fortunately, the disease that The Licker contracted (by French-kissing her way around the airport, don'tcha think?) was short-lived. The cough remained but the stomach issues passed, so we were able to somewhat enjoy a good portion of our vacation. Well, except for the sleepless nights, when The Licker became The Hacker.

The T Family curse is, indeed, still with us. But the Vacation Gods showed us some modicum of mercy, because there was still time for this:









Oh, and about that flight home? You don't want to know.

50 comments:

  1. See...Hawaii makes it all a little better.

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  2. I'm trying really hard not to laugh at all of your exhibits. I just can't imagine! I'm so sorry (and remind me that we should never vacation with the kids together...) :)
    I'm glad you got to the beach though (and saw your comment, glad the baby powder worked!)

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  3. Oh. Sweet. Jesus.

    Are you sure we are not somehow related?

    We once drove straight back from New Jersey, starting at 2 p.m., through the night (everyone was so peaceful) and stopped for breakfast at Mc Donald's.

    Needless to say, weak stomached oldest son threw up in the car, away from the vomit bowl...'cause you know, in my family, that's how we rolled...We had to drive back the remaining four LONG ASS hours back home, with said child covered in his own vomit, and the rest of us trying NOT to do the same...

    I feel you Kitch...and yeah, $4000 for 5 days of vomit is more than a little over-priced, even for the Ritz...

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  4. Ahhh.... I'm just getting caught up on my reading. Holy vacations from hell, batwoman! You're really sucking the wrong end of the karma, aren't you? Whatever did you do in a past life to deserve this? (And THAT would make a great story, I bet, too.) Love both parts of the story. Seriously sorry you go through all of this for fun. Makes my whole life seem like a slice of cherry pie with extra whipped cream. Hope your recovery from vacation is better.

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  5. I am so sorry you guys have gone through this.

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  6. I was seriously afraid and holding my breath to click over here. Glad you got to the beach to wash off the vomit. You are most definitely the most vacay cursed person I know KitchyWitchy.
    jc

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  7. Good grief. If there is a trophy for that, I'm going to vote for you.

    I don't dare ask about your honeymoon!

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  8. The only thing worse than being trapped in a hotel room with a vomiting child is being trapped in a hotel room with a vomiting child who will only be comforted by the Hannah Montana marathon on television. Oh, wait, that was my last vacation ... And still you win (lose?), hands down. Hope you get to rest and recover from your vacation soon.

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  9. I am kind of curious but I am going to trust you and say, "I don't want to hear about the trip home>" It looks like, in the end, you had a nice vacation... I hope that it was :-)

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  10. I think I would stop traveling. For real.

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  11. Oh no; they owe you big time for vacations when they grow up! That's terrible. I'm glad on this one there was some time for fun. Talk about the patience of Job...

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  12. I love both you Hawaii posts. Everyone who has traveled with small children is nodding their head in agreement... and laughing...especially all the moms. Us "old" moms can laugh because we've already been there, done that, lived to tell about it. Glad you had some great moments to remember this one. Sometimes a "staycation" can be heavenly.

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  13. I'm so glad you got one nice day in! The weather looks fantastic! I actually do want to hear about the flight home! :D

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  14. Oh, Kitch. I am so, so sorry. So many exhibits. You've had more than your fair share.

    I'm hoping the return flight was at least no worse than the outbound one!

    (((TKW)))

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  15. TKW, the only answer (good luck with this one) is to take off with hubs alone!

    My son's a miserable traveler and now gets dosed up with Dramamine as we head out on our "cheery" vacations. As you know, a snoozing teenager is a good thing for many reasons!

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  16. Good grief. Is that why you know carry twelve packs of wipes wherever you go? I know those moments when the wipes are almost gone and a monster poo-leakage situation arrives. Haven't experienced the vomit equivalent but I dread the day.

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  17. Next time? Take me. (Please.) I'll pack for myself, behave on the plane, (I'll buy us a round of drinks and then probably sleep), and if I'm sick upon arrival, you can just leave my ass at the hotel. No guilt-strings attached.

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  18. Hmmm note to self. Do not go on holiday with the Witchy.

    And I think we do need to know about the flight home...

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  19. I know I should envy your two trips to Hawaii, but somehow I can't get there. I'm going to be grateful from now on that the Vacation Gods have thus far mostly ignored me. I still think the solution is to stay home until the kids are grown and gone...

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  20. I take my hat off to you for hanging in there with your vacations!
    I'm glad to see a little sunshine and happiness came your way even if it was coated in a little vomit.....

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  21. A little behind on your updates... (Sorry, couldn't help but crack up at this.)

    SO sorry about the family vacation curse. But a bit of sand and sea is better than none, right? Oops. Optimism. Sorry. It slipped out. NO CLUE where that came from. OKAY. It sucks that you had to deal with all that... (but you are funny as hell.)

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  22. Wow....I can't say as though I've ever had anyone get sick on vacation because, well, we've never really been on vacation.

    Is it sick that I am somehow still jealous of where you've been, in spite of the vomit?

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  23. Now I don't feel so bad about my projectile vomit story from yesterday. Bless your heart...all that vomit and illness when all you want is a little vaca. That sucks. Maybe if you didn't plan and just spontaneously left, you could fool the gods?

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  24. I'm so glad that they pulled it together enough to get outside and enjoy Hawaii a little bit. Maybe you need a kid quarantine prior to any future vacation? =)

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  25. My favorite line of this whole thing??? "Optimists suck."

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  26. What is up with all the vomiting?? Do all kids vomit so much? Wow, this is something I need to add to the discussion with Husband about whether or not to have children.

    You're a survivor, TKW. A freakin' survivor.

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  27. I think the whole thing pales in comparison to how smokin' your hubs is in a bathing suit.

    ALMOST makes up for the optimism. ALMOST.

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  28. If it makes you feel any better, Chuckles threw up in our rented minivan on our San Fran trip. The van that 6 of us needed for the entire week. Thank God they have Costco in Cali...those bulk Clorox wipes were a savior.

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  29. Oh darlin. You are a proud woman to have survived the curse. Dare you try again, I agree with ck. Take me. I'll be good. I swear.

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  30. Ok, I'll be an optimist, at least between the coming and going and vomiting...you had fun! Or at least The Licker did!

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  31. We must be related. Every vacation I ever took as a kid, and ever one I take now is completely destroyed by something. Anything. The most recent was a trip to go pick up my middle one from his father's. Mother in law tells me her cat is an outdoor cat(a total lie)and neglects to tell me the cat spends the entire winter indoors. 18 hours later we're leaving because I'm about 4 inches from calling 911 due to an asthma attack that almost kills me. And people wonder why I don't visit.....

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  32. Yikes! You got out lucky. Looks like nothing could stop the greatness of this vacation, though.

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  33. Ha! That's like me & my trips to Chi-town--something always happens, usually of the "oh, REALLY?" persuasion. It's why I am typing this with a G&T near by, in the air, en route to another midwestern city...

    At least you could enjoy Hawaii a little!

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  34. You seem to have more than paid your price lady! Perhaps impromptu vacations would be better for you?? At least you got to have a little fun in the sun:) Hugs your way for your crazy-ass vacations!

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  35. What a story teller! You so funny! Now make me a salad when you're settled! xo tink

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  36. k...for some reason your bad vacation curse reminds me of the one episode of the Brady Bunch when they went to the beach( I think it was Hawaii) and one of the twats picked up some tiki necklace and they were cursed. You have the Brady Bunch Curse!

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  37. Wow. The vomiting is, of course, bad, but I have to say I cringed the most reading about your wrist. Ooh, and I did it again just now, thinking about it.

    Sorry about all the...bodily fluids, but those are some gorgeous pictures. Also, didn't you and hubby take a non-mayhem, non-bile-y trip to Greece a while back? Sounds like you need to recreate that trip.

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  38. Hey, at least you weren't pregnant!! I have been pregnant on all of our vacations that we have taken as a family. Ok, so we have only been married for 2 1/2 years, but still!! Pregnant, for me = vomiting and constant pain. Oh, and constant contractions. Yeah, it kinda sucks.

    All right, that probably didn't make you feel better. Of course, what could?? Good grief! What a miserable experience!! Child vomit is 20 times worse than your own vomit.

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  39. Oh goodness...you guys vom a lot hey?! Maybe it is just plain and simple travel sickness...not sure how to remedy that... :( xxx

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  40. Im glad to see you at least had a day or two of happiness. I think sometimes there is so much pressure put on "having a good time" that its easier for bad things to happen.

    Maybe next time will be the great one for you guys?

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  41. Your daughter sounds like my sister —who can't even ride a bicycle without puking.
    Have you thought about making an offering of some kind to the vacation gods?

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  42. I like ck's idea. Or, you could bring a nanny next time. And be sure there's a barf clause in her contract, as in, Nanny duties include all relevant barf tending responsibilities.

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  43. Well bless all your hearts!

    I hope you find a way to shake this curse -- it sounds like that Hawaiian vacation the Brady Bunch took. Are you sure none of the kids stashed some kind of ancient amulet somewhere and the g-ds are trying to get it back at all costs???

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  44. All I can say is OH MY FREAKIN' GOD. That is crazy. Given your history, I think you are a very brave woman for even trying.

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  45. The Licker! Poor Dana- sounds like you need a get-away for just yourself, some wine and maybe a good friend! Love you guys!

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  46. Falling: we did, indeed, have a lovely time in Greece. There were no incidents because there were no CHILDREN along on that trip. :) Family vacations are cursed. Couple vacations are awesome!

    Eva: I don't think all children vomit this much. Both girls have hair-trigger gag reflexes, so if they cough really hard, they barf. So we get barf with bad colds, too, not just stomach bugs. We're lucky that way.

    Thanks for the lovely sympathy and hugs...now that it's all behind me, I'm starting to forget. But we're not going anywhere as a family for at least a year, so help me God!

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  47. Goodness! It seems like a vomit marathon has plagued your vacations. You seem like a good sport. I would just sit in a corner somewhere and sulk.:)

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

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  48. LOL @ "Optimists suck." Yes they do. LOL.

    Oh my dear... I am going to get you a talisman for vacations. Just sayin.

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