Sunday, November 8, 2009

White Trash Motherlode: Too Sweet

As I slowly work my way through some of the recipes in the White Trash Motherlode Book, I'm coming to some realizations:

~ It's mainly a book of casseroles and sweets. Really.
~ And the few salads that are in there? A lot of them are sweet.
~ Can you really call a dish made with jello, ginger ale and marshmallows a salad?

Apparently you can call ginger ale and marshmallows a salad, because there are a frightening number of "salad" recipes in The Book that contain the ingredients listed above.

Apparently, the necessary and essential pantry items in a North Dakota kitchen in 1970 were as follows: jello, Miracle Whip salad dressing, condensed cream of ________ soup, maraschino cherries, chow mein noodles and canned green beans.

Oh, and sugar. How could I forget sugar? Sugar appears in damn near everything in The Book, even savory dishes.

I'm surprised any one who lived in North Dakota in the late 60's/early 70's had teeth.

I was leafing through the book the other day and came upon a recipe so incredibly audacious that I had to share it.

Need a little something to add zip to that bar cookie recipe? I suppose you could add nuts. Or maybe some chocolate chips. Or maybe a handful or two of dried fruit. Some coconut, if you're feeling downright racy.

Nah, screw that. Let's get this bar cookie AMPLIFIED! Let's add...sticky, neon-hued nuggets of pure sugar deliciousness, shall we? Awesome!

Gumdrop Diamonds

1 cup tiny gumdrops, sliced
2 cups sifted enriched flour
4 eggs
1 tablespoon cold water
2 cups light-brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cups chopped pecans
Sifted confectioner's sugar

Toss the gumdrops into 1/4 cup of the flour. Beat eggs with water; add brown sugar and beat until fluffy. Sift together remaining flour, salt, and sugar; stir into egg mixture. Add nuts and gumdrops. Spread in a greased 15 1/2 x 10 1/2 x 1 in. jelly roll pan. Bake at 325 for 35 minutes. When cool, cut into diamonds or squares. Roll in confectioner's sugar, if desired.

Oh yeah, I think we totally need to roll these suckers in sugar after baking, don't you?

Holy Smokes. Pass the dental floss, wouldja?

Than again, we do have all of those leftover Dots from Halloween...


  1. I don't think those ingredients were limited to the North Dakota kitchen, as they sound dangerously familiar to me. We have a lot of extra Dots around here, too, so I may just have to try the diamond bar cookies. What the hell. My kids already have cavities.

  2. Did you test the recipe? I gotta know if they taste as good as they sound! lol

  3. chow mien noodles...seriously, I think you just gave me an acid/casserole flashback.

  4. Ewwww. I don't like gumdrops or dots or whatever they want to call them.

  5. Oh, man, I'm with ck on the 70s flashback. Chow Mein noodles in everything. aCream of mushroom soup, too.
    That jello, ginger ale, marshmallow thing made an appearance in Iowa last spring at a graduation we went to. Blech.
    I gotta tell you, Kitch, I'm a sugar fiend, and I adore me some gumdrops, but this recipe made me throw up in my mouth a little. As did the thought of you doing anything but tossing those damned Dots. In *my* day we had nigh inedible Jujy Fruits and we were damned glad they were so hard because it meant we stopped after a few, exhausted and sore in the jaw.
    You might need to burn that cookbook, nostalgia or no. What if someone actually ate shipwreck pie *and* gumdrop bars? Them thar's two of the Four Courses of the Apocalypse.

  6. What a great site! I saw you over on Mary Poppins in Heels and loved your name so much I had to come by and check it out. How fun! And the '70's kitchen? You totally nailed it!

    -The Baker

  7. Gumdrops are the coolest sweets around. So putting them in cookies? Instant crowd pleaser.

    Btw, I don't know if you were blogging when I talked about this, but you TOTALLY have to check out this book. It is HILARIOUS.

  8. I found where I talked about it at my place, in case you're interested.

  9. ooo I wonder how many calories you'd find in that...makes me cringe! And as a child I would never have even thought twice about that...ah...we do grow 'bitter' in our old age don't we?! :) xxx

  10. Chow Mein noodles, I had managed to block out my memories of those things. And seriously, you could have opened our pantry in 1984 and still found everything on your list.

  11. Now that's family nutrition! Thank you for making me laugh aloud. Whenever I see "White Trash Motherload" in your title I know it's gonna be fun.

  12. Awesome! I really want to see what they look like!

    We at tater tot casserole last night but with ground chicken. It wasn't all that bad. Did I just say that out loud???

  13. These sound sweet all right, but gumdrops. Cooking in the seventies meant lots of sugar and lard, don't forget the lard. Can't wait for the book.

  14. Oh my God, that's hilarious! I bought a series of books from the 60s (Family Circle, I guess) and when I was going through them I about peed myself laughing at the extensive use of jell-o and cream of mushroom canned soup in every other recipe!

  15. I am officially white trash. I have miracle whip and canned green beans.

    I never liked marshmellows in salads!

  16. Wow. That really is the motherloade. I can remember adding gummy bears to cookies as a kid. We thought it was going to be great. They turned to colored goo. Then, they hardened upon cooling. I would imagine these gumdrops would have a similar effect.

  17. I love White Trash cookin!!!!
    We wouldnt know if any of them had teeth, because they have all died of obesity and heart disease!! LOL LOL LOL

  18. Well, at least it calls for "enriched" flour...that's gotta count for something. And cinnamon and gumdrops...gross.

  19. Hahaha...this made me laugh with tears: "Some coconut, if you're feeling downright racy."

  20. Ink: Thanks for the links! I was laughing the whole way, there is some wrong-ass food out there...

    Nap: Aha! You have thrown down the gauntlet, my friend! I am now planning my two other dishes to complete the cycle of the Four Courses of the Apocalypse...

    I see a jello mold in your future :)

  21. Yes, what is it with sweet salads? Or those jello molds the kind with the little Christmas tree indent on top where you could fill it with...sour cream? Geesh! The chow mein noodle were the only way I could get through my mom's chicken chow mein. Kinda like the potato chips in top of any casseroles. I hated Miricle Whip and my mom always called it mayonaise so I thought it was mayo that I disliked until my grandma gave me some mayo.

  22. HA! If i could count the number of times I had a jello/whipped cream/canned fruit "salad" at my grandmother's house...I would be able to count much higher than I think I can. Those southern ladies love their sweet salads, huh? These cookies remind me of the melted-hersey-kisses+mini-colored-marshmellow "cookies" we eat at christmas every year...yowza.

  23. too funny! though i'm not a fan of gumdrops...they take out your teeth. :)

  24. That recipe makes my teeth hurt just reading it! Yikes! (but is it good? That's what I want to know!)

  25. I'm with kiss my spatula, the very thought of this recipe glues my teeth shut! (I'm restraining myself from making a snarky comment about how the content of Dakota kitchens hasn't changed much since the 70's...) =)

  26. Whaaaaat?

    Did you make up this recipe after drinking some of your homemade flu medicine??

  27. My teeth hurt just reading that post!!!

  28. Nothing can be too sweet!
    So have I made you feel special because I didn't read your blog enough and I got guilty from all the cool comments you make on mine. I declared this TKW day and read and commented before I even posted. You're the best!